Orange Soda
by Glitterrock
Summary: The Naruto Gang is being tormented by two crazy girls from some world that they have never heard of and so BEHOLD as we go through and destroy all normality with the purple hippos of death. NO ONE WILL BE SPARED the insanity will leak to all of them MWAHA
1. Chapter 1

**Orange Soda**

One day a innocent orange soda and teddy gram truck driver was attacked and thrown on to a pile of flaming fiber glass. The two crazed enough to do this where Gwen and Krit.

"I wana drive!" Yelled Krit.

"NO!" Gwen yelled back.

"BUT I WANA!"

"NO YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR LICENSE!"

"You need a license?"

Then all of a sudden a fleet of angry soda truck driver came after them.

"JESUS CHRIST EATING A MUFFIN THERE GAINING!" Krit yelled as she was hanging out the window of the tuck.

"QUICKLY ACTIVATE THE PROTAL!" yelled Gwen as she slammed the gas petal down.

"Okay-doe-key!" Krit yelled as she pulled a remote for the T.V. out of her pocket and clicked it in front of the truck. A great blind flash of pink bears and teddy grams opened way for a large rip in reality.

"ZOOOOM!" yelled Krit as she was hit by a floating flower.

Gwen turned on the radio like nothing as she drove through the rip in reality and multicolored hippos hit the windshield.

"God damn hippos. This is such crappy weather to be driving in," said Gwen irritated as she turned on the window wiper.

"I'LL GET RID OF THEM!" Krit then pulled a bazooka out of her pocket. "BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM," as bubbles come out of the bazooka. When a bubble touched a hippo, the hippo turned inside out showing it's true nature as a pile of blood, intestines and mussels.

"This is taking to long can't we go faster," Gwen complained.

"Ok," Krit then pushed the fast forward button and everything started to fast forward.

MEANWHILE:

Naruto was eating noodles at his favorite noodle shop in town when suddenly a giant truck came zooming out of nowhere than suddenly stopped.

"I TOLD YOU TO TAKE A RIGHT AT THE LAST PURPLE FUZZY KIWI!"

"WELL EXUSE ME FOR MISSING IT!" yelled Gwen.

"WELL I SAY. . . Hey noodles, " Krit then jumped down and tried to steal the noodles from Naruto's grasp.

"Let go of my noodles you crazy woman!" yelled Naruto.

"I AM NOT CRAZY. . .SHUT UP HAPPY HAMSTER I WOULDN'T LISEN TO YOU … well I guess I could do that," Krit then bit Naruto's hand causing him to let go of the bowl of steaming hot noodles which landed on Krit's head.

"IT BURNS US IT BURNS US!" screamed Krit while she writhed on the ground.

Gwen was getting out of the truck as the conversation Krit had with Naruto was taking place. Gwen was checking the cargo in the back of the truck to make sure that everything was okay. When she opened it a person screamed, "The light thank god I'm going to be free." But Gwen closed it before the person could make it to the light.

"Good everything is okay." Gwen walked around to the other side of the truck to watch Krit whither in pain on the ground from the noodles.

"Are you done Krit?"

"IT BURNS!" she screamed. Naruto was just looking at Krit on the ground. After a little more screaming Krit started to eat the noodles off of her face. When she was done eating the noodles she got up and had a staring contest with Naruto over the eaten noodles.

Groups of people where starting to gather around the truck and noodle shop than Krit screamed out, "WE MUST HIDE THE EVIDENCE!" Krit then grabbed Naruto and tied him to the top of the truck. Gwen ran to the other side of the truck and saw Sasuke so she asked him, "Do you know where a hiding place is?"

"Maybe."

Gwen than grabbed him by the neck and tossed him into the truck to the passenger side causing the window on that side to crack a little. Gwen jumped in and didn't even bother to shut the door or buckle up.

Krit then slowly slid down the passenger side window. "You may want to buckle up," then slowly went back up. Sasuke was a little freaked out.

Gwen asked as she turned the truck on and slammed it into gear, "Tell me where or I will run over every person I find on the road."

"So."

"Thank you god." Gwen prayed as slammed on the gas.

When people started to run and scream away from the truck Gwen yelled, "Grand Theft Auto real life!"

"Wow look at them run," said Sasuke still not buckled up.

Gwen hit one person with the open door which than slammed shut. Then Gwen went by another person and opened the door and hit them with it than shut it quickly.

On the roof Krit talked with Naruto, "I could do a lot of damage if I had a weapon. . . Do you have anything?"

"NO!" he yelled.

"Liter!" and went rummaging through his pockets until she found what she was looking for. "A Kunai, oh goody, it's pointy it's shiny it kills people. Woohoo," Krit threw it at some one hitting them.

From the truck Gwen yelled, "GIVE ME TEDDY GRAMS!"

"AS YOU WISH OH DRIVER SALAME!" yelled Krit as she punched a hole in the top of the truck and pulled out the burnt figure of the old truck driver.

"GIVE ME MY TRUCK BACK!"

"SHIZA!" screamed Krit as she hurled the old driver off the truck and taking out 5 more people than throwing them off the back as well.

"Here be your teddy grams." Said Krit as she gave Gwen the box she wanted.

"Thank you."

Krit looked in the rearview mirror and yelled, "SHIT HE'S GANNING!"  
"What?" Gwen looked as well and her eyes went bug eyed.

"DRIVE FASTER!"

Gwen didn't need any advice on that and stepped on the gas petal. Naruto by this time had wet himself and Sasuke was writing his will. Krit sat on top of the truck and started to knit a rope which she than tied to the front bumper and around her waist than jumped off the back of the truck to dive for the old truck driver who was gaining on them even though they where going 100 m./pr./hr.

"DIE IMMORTAL BASTARD!" Krit screamed as she plunged a knitting needle into the heart of the old driver. At this point the rope jerked and she was thrown back on to the top of the truck. The old driver was than lost in the dust of the speeding truck.

At the training grounds Gwen stopped almost sending Sasuke flying out the front window of the truck. Gwen was about to turn off the truck but than they heard, "SAKSUE!"

Both Gwen and Sasuke saw that it was Sakura so they looked at each other and just nodded their heads in an unspoken agreement.

Before Sakura could get near the truck she stopped for Gwen started to rev it up. Gwen was smiling like a crazed person and Sasuke then put on his seat belt. While on the roof Gwen could hear Krit going "vroom, vroom, vroom," and Naruto sobbing his heart out. Gwen then let off the break and slammed on the gas peeling out in the grass towards Sakura.

Sakura started to scream her lungs out petrified by fear, but before the truck could run her over the truck died. In the truck both Gwen and Sasuke screamed, "DAMN IT!"

"KRIT HAS A IDEA!" screamed Krit as she pulled out the magic T.V. remote. "ZAP!" then there was a bright flash and magically Sakura became a REDNECK HIIBILLY!

"Howdy cuz will you merry me?" Asked Sakura to a tree.

"Wow that's scary," said Naruto who was untied since they weren't moving any more.

"STUPID TRUCK!" yelled Gwen from inside, than she stuck her head out the window and asked Krit, "What does that thing all do?"

"Stuff," said Krit smiling and laughing.

In the truck Sasuke was hitting his head on the dash bored cursing the truck as well for dieing and not running over Sakura before it died. Then Gwen kick Sasuke out the passenger side door ripping out the seat belt in the process.

"Everyone needs food," said Krit happy as she threw orange soda and teddy grams at them.

"I'm happy as a clam," said Gwen as she ate a box of teddy grams.

"I'm gonna go find more friends!" Krit declared as she wondered back towards the town.

On the way Krit found a little doggy. "DOGGY YOU GONNA BE MY FRIEND!"

The dog started to whine as Krit picked him up.

"GIVE ME MY DOG BACK!"

Krit looked over to see a boy yelling at her but she just laughed and ran off back towards the truck. Were she threw the dog in the back of the truck.

"HE BE IN THERE!" The boy that was chasing Krit jumped into the back of the truck. Krit then slammed the door then jumped when she heard Gwen's voice, "What are you doing?"

"I put our new friend in there."

"Uh, Krit how many people did you throw out of there?"

"Six."

"Um, there was one more in there," they heard screams of terror coming from the truck. "I think it might be the rapist."

Krit opened the door to the truck and the boy jumped out and hid behind Gwen.

"Why are you hiding behind me?"

"You didn't kidnap my dog."

"Okay."

"Isn't that Kiba?" asked Sasuke.

"Hey Kiba come join us!" yelled Naruto who was going to chug a bottle of Orange soda.

"Go over there now," said Gwen as she kicked his butt towards the group.

"DIE YOU FUCKING RAPIST!" yelled Krit as she pulled out knitting needle and started to attack the man that had jumped out of the back.

"All is well one more, I need to go get more friends," Krit said as she walked off covered in the rapists blood.

Gwen shook her head and crawled into the back of the tuck to steal more teddy grams and soda for the chugging contest.

Krit had wandered to the bath house "Oooooh! Neat!" She said as she wondered inside.

"Hey why are you in the guy's area?" asked Neji.

"I am not," argued Krit. "Why are you here?"

"This is the guys area."

"You're a guy?" Krit said very shocked. "Damn your hair is long. How much conditioner do you use?"

"…"

"WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND?"

"No… why are you in here?"

"Damn it I want to be friends and you WILL be my friend!"

Neji looked at Krit like she was a walnut.

"You have to come with me if you get my riddle wrong" said Krit

"Ok. . ."

"What is green hangs on a wall and whistles." asked Krit

". . . . ummmm I don't know"

"A HERING!"

"Wait what?"

"NOW YOU COME WITH ME, MY PRISONER OF WAR!"

Neji didn't say anything just got a towel and followed like a good little minion.

BACK AT THE TRUCK:

"Look who I found!" yelled Krit.

Gwen the first to notice and scrambled back into the back of the truck for clothes.

"Hey Neji!" yelled Naruto then he said, "Um why are you naked?"

"HE WAS IN THE BATH HOUSE BUT NOT NO MORE!" screamed Krit, "HE"S OUR NEW FRIEND!"

"Have some clothes," said Gwen as she threw clothes at Neji.

"Um how did you get my clothes?"

"Do not ask." Said Gwen eating teddy grams.

Neji got in the back of the truck and changed into his clothes then went over to the group to eat teddy grams and drink orange soda.

"I'm gonna find more friends!"

"No your not we already have enough people."

"One more," pleaded Krit.

"Fine but just ONE more."

"Give me one box of teddy grams."

Gwen's eye twitched but handed over a box. Krit took the box and hummed the sand man song as she walked away.

Meanwhile in a random APARTMENT:

"Gaara you can't keep killing people!" said Temari.

Gaara wasn't listening but was looking at a box that was hanging outside of the window near the T.V. _'Teddy? Grams? It's a teddy and a cookie at the same time? I MUST HAVE IT!' _at this thought Gaara jumped out the window and grabbed the box.

"I GOT YOU!" Krit yelled triumphantly and started to walk back towards the truck with Gaara hanging onto the box from a fishing pole and eating the cookies out of it.

BACK AT TRUCK:

"Look what I found," said Krit.

"MY TEDDY GRAMS!" yelled Gwen when she saw Gaara eating the teddy grams she had given Krit.

"You guys will be the bestest of friends," Krit said smiling and not noticing the look of terror on every ones faces. "We got enough teddy grams."

"No we don't!" yelled Gwen.

"This is the last box!" yelled Naruto waving the last box.

Both Gwen and Gaara looked at it with wide eyes.

"I'll kill you for it," said Gaara.

"Who ever kills that guy first gets it," said Gwen pointing to a guy walking by.

"Okay."

Gwen and Gaara grabbed a half of the man. Gaara held the top half of the man with his sand and Gwen the lower half with a chain. In the end the man was ripped in half than they heard crunching.

Gwen's and Gaara's necks sounded like rusty hinges moving as they turned their head to look at Naruto who was eating the last box.

"Ummmm. . . "

"THE EXORSTIST!"

The two fighting over the box said at the same time, "Must kill Naruto," Naruto seeing the danger dropped the box and hid in the truck. Gwen and Gaara decided to share the box.

"Ok one for you and one for me," this went on until the box was gone and both were happy but now they were out of teddy grams.

"Kristin get the ALCOHOL!"

"Yeah, booze; you dog boy and girly man come with me we must find the liquor!" Krit, Neji, and Kiba took off running towards the town to go raid the liquor store.

"Why are we helping you?" asked Kiba.

"YOU LOVE ME."  
"Ummmm. . . No I don't."

"HEY HOW DOES A HARING WHISTLE?" said Neji.

"Ummmm." Said Kiba dumbfounded.

"You're a little slow aren't ya? " said Krit.

"That and a herring isn't green and why is it hanging on a wall?

"I can nail it to a wall, and paint it green, and I just put the last part in to throw you off."

"I'm not even going to ask," said Kiba still in a state of dumbfound still in the dark about the whole ordeal about the herring.

"Anyway we need booze to get the truck running again so we can get out of here."

Kiba lead the group to the liquor store. Where they stole as much as they could carry then quickly ran back to the truck to get it started up.

At the truck they found Sasuke half dead from drinking so much soda, Sakura was talking to the tree still trying to get it to marry her while, Naruto was still hiding in the truck and Gwen and Gaara were having a staring contest. Seeing this Krit made Neji and Kiba get into the truck and she started to fill the gas tank up with the liquor.

"Hey, Gwen, Gaara lets go! the truck is feeling better!"

Gwen stuck out her tongue at Gaara than ran towards the driver side of the truck and got in. Gaara ran over to the passenger side leaving his gourd behind as he climbed into the truck. Gaara had shut the door behind him and Krit tried to ninja roll into the truck but hit the window and slid down it.

"DAMN IT!" yelled Krit as she rubbed her head and went to the back of the truck and jumped in. Then realized she had the T.V control and put her arm through the hole that was already in the roof of the truck and pressed the portal button.

Another flash of Pink bears and teddy grams made way for the portal. Gwen pressed on the gas petal and they zoomed into it. "BAZOOOM!" yelled Krit from the back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Okay there is some Yaoi is this so if you don't like it don't complain to us about it, it's just how it turned out.

"GWEN! STOP AT SAFEWAY!" yelled Krit.

"OKAY!" she yelled back as she pulled right into the Safeway parking lot.

"Ok Neji COME WITH ME!"

"Why?'

"You need to be happy and I know how to make that happen, but you need to come into the store with me."

"Fine whatever."

"I'll see you at Wal-mart," said Gwen as she drove off.

"Ok lets go," Krit said as she dragged Neji into the Safeway, and straight to the Starbucks.

"GIVE ME TWO VENTA WHITE CHOCLATE MOCAS NOW COFFEE SLAVE!" yelled Krit.

The star bucks slave did Krit's biding and produced two VENTA WHITE CHOCOLATE MOCAS.

"Ok drink that and all your sorrow will leave you," Krit said happily.

Neji was terrified at what Krit was handing him but drank it any way. Almost as soon as he drank the wonderful drink it tasted so good to him, that time seemed to slow down. He was so happy he had to talk to EVERYONE he met in the store and there were so many people he would have to run to get to them all.

**MEANWHILE!**

Gwen Screeched to a halt in a handicapped parking space. Than she ushered every one out of the truck and into Wal-mart.

"Into Wal-mart my children," Gwen said as she ushered the others who hadn't left to Safeway.

Inside Wal-mart they heard the truck explode so they looked back to see the truck a flaming ball of fire with old people trying to put out the flames on their over hair sprayed hair.

**MEANWHILE AGAIN **

"HI HOW ARE YOU I'M NEJI YOU SHOULD BY MY FRIEND GIVE ME YOUR SCEDDYOS PLEASE NO OK BYE!" with that Neji ran off to find his next victim. He soon ran out of people to talk to and resorted to talking to and naming all of the produce in the store.

"HIIIIIIIIIII STOOOOOORE PERRRRRSOOOOON THIS IS Erebus, Erechtheus, Erichthonius, Erymanthus, Erysichthon, Eryx, Estevao, Eteocles, Etor, Eubuleus, Eugen, Eugene, Eugenio, Eugenios, Eumaeus, Eupeithes, Euryalus, Eurylochus, Eurymachus, Eurypylus, Eurystheus, Euryton, Eusebius, Eustace, Eustachy, Eustis, Evan, Evzen, Fedor, Feodor, Feodras, Filippo, Filips, Flip, Fulop, Gaelan, Galan, Galen, Galinthias, Galyn, Ganymede, Gelasius, Georg, George, George, Georges, Giles, Glaucus, Goran, Graeae, Gregoire, Gregoly, Gregor, Gregorie, Gregorior, Gregory, Gregos, Grigor, Grigorov, Gruev, Guilio, Gyes, Gyoergy, Gyorgy, Gyuri, Haemon, Hali, Halirrhothius and Neji Jr. AND NOW TO THE ORANGES," but with that Neji felt his heart slowing down everything started to slow down. _Need coffee or will die, must get back to place that sells nectar of life._

"I take it your coffee height is low," observed Krit as Neji sat on the ground breathing heavily "but I don't have anymore money to get you coffee," with that Neji snapped.

"WHAT!" yelled Neji and he turned to the coffee selling slave ready to pounce and rip out there very soul with his own hands. Coffee slave seeing this started to cower in fear .

"Here Neji," said Krit handing him a bazooka "hold up the store and get ALL of the coffee I'll go steal the rest from the coffee section in the store."

**MEAHWHILE:**

Gwen used the walkie talkie to contact Krit, when she called in she head Neji yelled, "KMAKAZE COFFFEE BEANS GO!" Than a big blast was heard and felt.

"KRIT WHAT DID YOU DO!"

"I made him just like me!" she said proudly.

"Oh god what have I done," said Gwen with the talkie off.

Than a Safeway truck slammed in through the front door of Wal-mat and stopped before hitting the group.

"We're here."

"Yep we're doomed," said Gwen to herself as Krit hopped out of the passenger seat.

"I got to drive!" yelled Neji as he fell out of the drivers window giggling.

"Oh my god," Kiba said about wetting his pants.

Naruto was just to stunned to speak.

"Look pokie," yelled Gwen and pointed towards the food isle.

"YAH POKIE!" yelled Krit and Neji at the same time and ran off to the food section.

"Where did Gaara go?" asked Kiba.

"Let's go find him," said Gwen and they wondered around the store until they found him in front of a T.V. watching Barney.

Gwen screamed, "NOOOO!"

_"You love me right kids? RIGHT!"_

_"_You love me, I love you," sang Gaara with the T.V. "We're one big happy family."

"The evil one," hissed Gwen.

Kiba and Naruto wet their pants at the pure horror of it all. Gaara was sitting looking at the T.V. rocking side to side with a teddy bear in a death hug while drooling.

Gwen yelled at the T.V. "He was perfect, perfect I tell you, why must you always do this to me Barney why you Barney Bastard!" Gwen quickly changed the channel to Seasamy Street.

"Why so much damage has been done I hope we can correct it!"

"Were did Naruto go?" asked Kiba.

With that they left Gaara to go and look for Naruto. Hopefully Gaara won't move and hopefully Naruto hadn't gone to far, and he hadn't he was in the music section with a bunch of EMOS. They had TURNED him into one of them. He already had the cloths and they were painting his face when Gwen and Kiba found him.

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS ON YOUR FACE NARUTO YOUR EYES ARE DARKER THAN GAARA'S," yelled Kiba.

Gwen stalked towards the group and the other EMOS cowered in fear, "Oh God she's back for the rest of us!" yelled one of them.

"Given me back the blond one," Gwen hissed, "And no one dies today."

With that Naruto was thrown at Gwen's feet and fled for their little lives that Gwen was going to end the next day if at all possible.

As the small group walked back to Gaara to find that he was holding on to the bear still with a death grip but added with a knife and next to him lay a dead teller.

"Elmo knows where I live," said Gaara, "I must obey him."

"Do not obey him Gaara. Come back to the truck." said Gwen, "With me, Naruto and Kib… oh shit. Why don't you people stay in one place!"

Gwen Lead Gaara by the hand and kicked Naruto in the ass as they walked around the store to go find Kiba the last place they looked was the clothing section and Gwen about had a heart attack when she saw Kiba.

He was in a shot black skirt and a frilly white shirt , his nails were done in red and he had his dog in one of those little doggy purse with a little pink bow.

"I found my true self," Kiba informed them happily.

"I fucking hate you," said Gwen. This seemed to make Kiba a bit sad but then he seemed happy again. . . To happy.

"Hey Gaara your really cute," at this Gwen had a stroke and Kiba ran to Gaara and gave him a hug. This seemed to wake Gaara out of his brain washed trance.

"HOLLY SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! LET GO LET GO LET GO! Screamed Gaara while trying desperately to get Kiba off of him. Gwen was now feeling a bit better but still really freaked out at the sight in front of her. Naruto didn't really care he just shrugged and lit a cigarette, this pissed Gwen off and she punched him in the face and rammed the cigarette down his throat.

"SMOKING IS BAD!" yelled Gwen.

"OH GOD GWEN HELP ME HE WON'T LET GO HEEEELLLLLLPPP!" so even though Gaara got the last cookie Gwen decided to help him. She walked up and kicked Kiba in the nuts.

Kiba writhed on the floor in pain as Gwen helped Gaara up who latched on to her in a hug.

Gwen stood terrified at what was now attached to her and didn't seem to be leaving anytime soon. Then a sign popped up out of nowhere and said, "You've got commitment."

"What?" said Gwen dumbfounded.

Than the sign disappeared.

"Let us go find Neji and Krit," said Gwen as she "walked" towards the food isle with Kiba and Naruto flirting with each other as they walked behind Gwen and Gaara.

In the pokie isle Krit and Neji where devouring the last remaining pokie in the store. Including the ones in the back where no one but the employees where allowed to go the forbidden ZONE.

"We're out of pokie," said Krit.

"And coffee," added Neji.

"There are still the energy drinks," suggested Krit.

"No," Gwen commanded, "Go get back in the truck we're leaving," Gwen pointed towards the truck.

"Hey Kiba you look really good in a skirt," commented Krit.

"Thank you." said Kiba with a slightly girly laugh.

"Naruto you need to cheer up I used to be like you only minus the makeup well anyway It was no fun just cheer up and be happy eat the pokie and coffee."

Naruto just glared at Neji.

"You two have gotten really attached haven't you," said Krit, Gaara smiled widely.

"I need a crow bar," said Gwen as she dragged Gaara behind her towards the truck.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"We aren't going to drive that truck," said Krit.

"Ok what are we going to drive?" asked Gwen.

"THAT!" yelled Neji excitedly while pointing to a Hummer.

"Ok fine just get in and let's go," said Gwen.

"Were are we going?" asked Neji happily.

"To Hell," answered Gwen

"BUT I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO THERE!"

"THEN SHUT UP!" yelled Gwen as she spun out of the building. Then Krit opened up the portal of pink happy hippos of the alternate dimensions.

As they where driving through the rip in reality Neji kept asking, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

Gwen kept yelling, "Shut the fuck up before I kill you." This always scared Neji and Krit would give him a hug and it made him feel all better.

"I have to go to the bath room," said Krit from the back seat.

"Kiba and Naruto are making me uncomfortable," complained Neji.

"Why what are they doing?" Asked Gwen.

"You don't want to know."

Krit turned around and yelled, "OH MY GOD NARUTO PULL YOUR PANTS UP!"

Gwen slammed on the breaks and turned a round to yell at the two in the back who where frantically pulling up their pant or skirt, "GOD DAMN IT! DON"T DO THAT IN THE CAR IT'S BRAND NEW!"

This caused an awkward silence to fall with in the hummer.

"This is weird," said Gaara.

"Can't you sit in the passenger seat Gaara?" asked Gwen hopeful that he would let go of her.

"No."

"But why?"

"I love you."

"Oh God some one shoot me now," Gwen said then decided to take off again to try and get out of the portal.

When they reached the same spot they left somehow they saw cats, lots and lots of cats sitting around Gaara sand making sand castles and doing who knows what else in the sand. The group than heard from the sand, "Help meeeeee!"

"No my sand!" cried Gaara literally.

"If you let go of me you can go kill the kitties."

"But I like the kitties."

"Damn you god," one of the cats came up and started to sharpen its claws on Gaara's leg and all he said was, "I love you little kitty too," then slowly all the kitties were closing in on the hummer. One started to claw at the window others were trying to open the doors to get into the hummer.

Naruto and Kiba in the back seat screamed, "OH MY GOD!" as one started to claw through the roof and another started to drool on the window.

"WE'RE SCARED!" Neji and Krit screamed at the same time.

"MEOOOOOOW!" Gaara cried, this caused Gwen to scream in pure terror as it seemed to anger the kitties outside.

"Wait how did the first one get in?" asked Naruto. Then another came out from under the passenger seat.

"OH MY GOD THERE COMING FROM UNDER THE CAR!" screamed Kiba. With that Krit and Neji ripped up the seat to reveal a hole in the bottom of the hummer.

"SHIZA DRIVE GWEN DRIVE!" yelled Krit.

Gwen screamed bloody murder as she slammed on the gas and ran over many kittens and had to turn on the windshield wipers to see past the blood and bits and pieces of cat body parts.

Gwen slammed through some ones apartment wall and Gaara yelled out when he saw the two people sitting at the dinning table with food dripping from their mouths in shock.

"Temari, Kankuro I'm home!" yelled Gaara happily.

Every one abandoned the hummer for the apartment's living room. Every one stood in shocked silence when they looked at the hummer with its front half covered in blood and kitty part and the rest of it covered in cat claw marks from when they were trying to hold on but failed when Gwen hit them into walls or people.

"Kankuro guess what?" said Gaara.

"What?"

"I GOT A GIRLFRIEND! . . . Before you."

Kankuro stared at his younger brother and had a heart attack.

"When did I agree to this?" asked Gwen

"I was hoping you would take the hint when I handcuffed myself to you," said Gaara.

"WHAT WHEN DID YOU DO THAT!"

"During your flight of terror."

"I hate you."

"I love you too Gwen."

Gwen then started to cry.

Meanwhile Krit was poking Kankuro with a sock puppet. "Wakie wakie you need to wake up now and say hi to Miss. Foot Fungus" Krit said as she poked him with a sock puppet with a little bow on its head.

"What is that!" screamed Kankuro as he woke up.

"This be your new girl friend Miss. Foot Fungus," said Krit and with that he grabbed the sock puppet and ran into a closet.

"That is kind of sick," said Kiba

"You have no room to talk," put in Gwen, "Sicko, AND YOU'RE THE REASON GAARA IS ATTACHED TO MY WAIST!"

Kakashi popped into the room and said, "Will you please turn Sakura back to normal she keeps proposing to my tree and I can't read."

"That's your job Krit," said Gwen and she tried beating Gaara over the head with a crowbar she found in the trunk of the hummer but the crow bar only ended up breaking.

"Um why are you two dressed like that?" asked Kakashi when he saw Kiba and Naruto making out.

"RUN KIBA RUN THEY"RE ON TO US!" yelled Naruto and the two jumped out of the hole in the wall.

"Um I just asked why they were dressed like that," said Kakashi dumbfounded.

"Oh well what was it that you wanted me to do," asked Krit

"I wanted you to change Sakura back to normal she is becoming very distracting, it was kind of funny at first but now it is just annoying," Kakashi said.

"Ok fine, come on Neji," and with that Krit and Neji went to go and find Sakura.

Which wasn't that hard to find since she hadn't move at all from the spot by the tree.

"Hey Sakura!" yelled Neji.

"HOWDY. . ."

"Right shut up and hold still," and with that Krit shot her with the T.V remote.

"Today everyone we are going to learn how to cook a apple pie an. . . "

"WRONG CHANNLE!" yelled Krit and she tried another button.

"I'M READY I'M READY I'M READY!"

"Nope."

"The evidence is. . . "

"Nada."

"JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!"

"Negative."

900 channels later

"NARUTO YOU ASS HOLE."

"FINNALY!" said Krit who by this time was getting very bored.

Neji was sleeping with a snot bubble coming from his nose before Krit kicked him awake.

"We should go find Hinata!" yelled Neji and took off running to go find his cousin. Who wasn't that far away she was standing right next to him before he started to run off to find her.

"Neji! You moron she was right behind you!" yelled Krit.

"OH HINATA YOUR RIGHT HERE!" and with that he ran up and gave her a hug. "I luv you cousin!" but his reaction cause Hinata to faint.

"Nice job she is out cold." Neji grabbed her legs and threw her over his shoulder.

"What should I do with her?"

"Here" and Krit then pushed one of the buttons on the remote and made the hummer appear, "just toss her in here."

"Ok," and with that he threw her but the door wasn't open. "Oops."

Krit opened the door and Neji re threw Hinata into the hummer.

Then the group heard screaming, "OH GOD SAVE ME I AM FREE!" then they saw Gwen running away from Gaara who was right behind her attached being drug through the dirt by the handcuffs which Gwen forgot where on.

Lee popped out of nowhere and yelled, "The Bliss of Youth!"

"HOLLY SHIT WHAT IS ON THAT GUYS FACE! DID HE STAPLE LITTLE DEAD FUZZY CREATURS TO HIS FOREHEAD!"

"GET OUT OF MY WAY FUZZ BROWS!" yelled Gwen as she ran past.

"Hi Lee, Bye Lee" Gaara said while being dragged by Gwen.

"Um? Why was Gaara being dragged by that crazy girl."

"He loves her," said Neji. Krit stood staring at Lee's eye brows with bug eyes in pure horror.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" asked Lee a little scared.

Krit slowly brought up a razor, "MUST SHAVE UNHOLLY EYEBROWS!"

"OH GOD GET AWAY FROM ME," screamed Lee as he tried to run away, but was knocked down by Gwen as she reran past and tripped over a rock taking out Lee but in the process Gaara reattached himself to Gwen's waist

"Oh merciless god why have you done this to me WHYYYYYY?" Gwen screamed as she tried to drag herself a way from Gaara.

"Yah now Lee is going to stay with us but first I must take care of your unholy eyebrows," Neji said happily as he ran up to Lee pulled out a razor and ripped not only his eyebrows but several layers of skin with them. "WOOT THE UNHOOLY EYEBROWS ARE GOOONE," and with that Neji happily stuck two smiley band aids to Lee's forehead ware his eyebrows one were then he happily hopped back to Krit's side.

"ON WE GO TO THE CARNIVAL!" yelled Krit and threw Gwen into the driver seat. And Neji jumped into the back seat with Lee under his armpit. Krit jumped in next to him and smiled evilly at him. Gwen slammed on the gas even though they were in park. When Gwen realized this she threw it in reverse sending Krit flying into the windshield. Then Gwen realized that was the wrong way and slammed it into drive sending Krit flying into the back windshield where she slid down it and saw Chouji eating B. B. Q. chips.

"HEY FAT MAN!"

Chouji was about to yell and be mad at Krit for calling him fat but than realized what Krit looked like she was a bloody mess to put it mildly.

"I FOUND CHIPS!" yelled Krit as she grabbed the bag from Chouji and went and sat up next to Neji and Lee. Chouji followed but was greeted by a very frightening sight. Neji was sitting next to Krit and rocking back and forth smiling every now and then giggling to himself about coffee and pokie. Then he saw what Lee looked like he had two Smile band aids ware eyebrows once were and they were leaking blood he looked like he was going to soil himself. Then up front Gaara was cling to another crazed girl driving.

"Krit open the GOD DAMN PORTAL! I'm just going in circles now," yelled Gwen.

"OKEY-DOE-KEY!" yelled Neji as he opened the portal the T.V. remote that he stole from Krit.

"BULL FUCKING SHIT!" yelled Krit as she tackled Neji for the remote. "It's my job mine, mine, mine!" Then they both pushed a button once again opening a rip in reality. Only this time instead of it being pink with a bunch of floating hippos it was blood red with many clowns severed head laughing at them.

"Whatever, we're going," said Gwen still in a very bad mood.

"Noooooooo this place is scary!" screamed Krit and Neji

"Oh god I am going to die here, I going to die I am never going to be a real ninja, MY CORPSE WILL NEVER BE FOUND IN THIS EVIL PLACE." It didn't seem that Lee was going to stop anytime soon and this really pissed Gwen off.

"That's it I am going to pull over and boot your ass out of this car if you don't SHUT THE HELL UP!" yelled Gwen

"Grrrrrr," Gaara growled at Lee for making Gwen mad but soon forgot and continued to cuddle her.

"And you, I need space get your ass in the other seat or I will choke you to death!" Gwen yelled at Gaara. He was very sad but slowly let go and sat in the other seat but he was still handcuffed to her so he was still happy.

Gwen gave a sigh of relief and speed through the portal quickly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The land was full of pink every one stared at it in horror everything was pink nothing was any other color.

"This is the place of nightmare," said Gwen.

"THE HORROR!" screamed Krit.

"Hi my name is sunshine," said a little pink bear that had snuck up to them in the pink.

"OH MY GOD KILL IT, KILL IT!" screamed Neji with a tooth brush in his hands trying to stab the bears eye out.

"Hey moron you have a kunai in your pocket use that!" yelled Krit trying to gut another one with a knitting needle.

"Oh yah," Neji tried to stab it but then two more showed up. They just keep coming there is no stopping them!

"EAT THEM FAT MAN!" Krit screamed as she pushed Chouji out of the car. He then took a bite out of one to see what it tasted like.

"They taste just like cotton candy!" yelled Chouji as he started to devour them all. This entire seen scared Neji back into the Hummer where everyone watched from the car in horror as Chouji brutally ripped the little pink bears heads off. When he was done he calmly came back into the hummer.

"Hey why is Hinata under the seat?" Chouji asked.

"You bloated sack of protoplasmic meat!" yelled Hinata.

Every one looked at Hinata with bug eyes.

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?" Hinata than punched Lee right in the face. "AND YOU FAT MAN KEEP EATING THOSE FUCKING BEARS! THEY'RE CREEPING ME OUT!" Then Hinata turned to Neji and yelled, "YOU! YOU FUCKING THREW ME INTO THE CAR WINDOW AND SMASHED MY HEAD! YOU BASTARD!"

Neji hid behind Krit and said, "She's scary."

"Krit on with the portal," said Gwen.

Krit placed her head out the window and turned the portal on. After going through the portal to a safe zone they ended up in a carnival.

"WOOHOO CARNIVAL!" yelled Krit.

Some how Chouji snuck out of the Hummer and disappeared into the crowd of people.

"Let's go in there!" pointed Neji towards a Haunted House.

"Um okay," said Gwen eyeing it suspiciously but was drug there anyway because of Gaara.

Neji and Krit ran up a head with Hinata cussing at them while she followed. Lee was being kicked in the butt by Gaara to keep moving as he drug Gwen by the handcuffs.

In the house Neji and Krit were laughing their asses off at everything they saw and at things that popped up at them they even ran off to go scare other people in the house mainly the ones working there. Hinata just cussed at everything and left the house cussing her head off. Lee was walking through the house shaking he didn't like it here at all then all of a sudden, "OOB!" Neji yelled at Lee. Lee nearly fainted but quickly snapped out of it when Gaara kicked him again.

"I hate it in here can't we LEAVE PLEASE!" begged Lee.

"Ok fine seeing as you are on the verge of wetting your ummm. . . weird green leotard thing," said Gwen

They eventually got out of the house ware they met up with Hinata who had gotten her hair cut into a mo-hock and had it dyed bright purple, with a few earrings, nose ring and her eyebrow pierced.

"Wow were did you get all that stuff done at Hinata?" asked Neji who was a little shocked to see her but still didn't care all that much.

"NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUISNESS!" yelled Hinata.

"LETS GO THERE NEXT CAN WE, CAN WE, CAN WE!" said Neji excitedly already forgetting that Hinata had been yelling at him.

"As long as it isn't scary I will go," said Lee.

"Looks like fun to me," said Krit and so they went into the House of Mirrors.

Inside Lee was a little confused but having a much better time then when he was in the Haunted House. Hinata had decided to stay outside and fight with an ass that had tried to trip her, well he had not really tried but Hinata just felt like killing someone. Neji and Krit were having way too much fun. Gwen and Gaara were getting annoyed with seeing themselves so often.

"BIG BUTT SO WHAT!" Neji very amused as he wiggled his ass in front of a mirror that made it look huge. This scared Lee beyond reason.

"I think I liked it better in the haunted house," Lee said nervously, while slowly backing away from Neji.

"Yah lets get out of here it is getting annoying lets go get Chouji and Hinata and get out of here," said Gwen

Leaving the House of Mirrors, (much to the disappointment of Neji and Krit) they found Hinata beating a man into a puddle of bloody goo.

"THAT IS FOR STARING AT ME YOU FRIUT CAKE!" Hinata screamed at the bloody pile that they were now hoping still had a pulse.

"Hinata stop killing the civilians and let's go get Chouji," said Gaara.

They went off to the snack area to go and find Chouji but when they got there they wished that they hadn't. Everything was destroyed there were blood and hot doges everywhere.

"Let us ride the roller costar," yelled Krit.

"Okay," said Gwen while pulling Chouji out of a cotton candy maker.

When the group was on the ride Lee realized that Hinata was holding a lead pipe and asked, "Where did you get that?"

"From this ride."

Everyone than noticed a huge space missing after a loop.

"Oh shit," they all said at once.

Gwen had a Death grip hug on Gaara neck and he was so happy, "I'm gonna die happy," said Gaara happily.

"Don't worry I have a plan," said Krit then she yelled at the man in control, "CRACK UP THE SPEED!" he not even looking up from a book did so. They went off everyone screaming in terror, (except for Krit and Neji who were having the time of there lives). As they went in the loop and off the end were it was broken Krit pulled out the remote and opened a portal.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" yelled Krit and Neji in unison.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

When the group exited the portal they dived right into a pond in the leaf village.

"Well this sucks," said Hinata.

Every one swam towards the shore of the pond other than Chouji he kind of just floated over to the edge with his farts to power him over.

"He's just like a motor boat," said Neji

"Wow your right," said Krit also a little disturbed.

"Are those dead fish floating behind him?" said Lee.

"Yes, yes they are," Gwen said while staring to cover her nose.

"EWWWWWWWWW!" Krit and Neji said.

Soon Chouji had putted his way to the shore. He seemed happy with himself for some reason. Then he noticed everyone staring at him.

"What?" asked Chouji

"Ok that's it I going I am leaving I am not going to talk to anyone ever again I AM GOING TO BE A FUCKING MUTE FROM NOW ON!" said Lee

"You mean right this second?" asked Neji.

"YES!" yelled Lee

"You just talked," said Neji as he smiled at Lee

"FUCK YOU NEJI FUCK YOU WITH A FUKING TORTALLNIE!" and with that Lee stormed off.

"Ewwww, why would he, how would he. . .I don't wana know," said Neji with a shudder as silence fell over everyone.

"Well shall we go and taint a few other people?" asked Gwen.

"Sure why not," said Krit

They headed back into the town to go and find someone else to taint. One the way they saw many, many bugs. They were every ware they were coming out of the trees, out of the holes in the dirt and out from under rocks.

"OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK!" screamed Gwen and she jumped onto Gaara's back screaming "SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME!" this made Gaara very happy but it threw him off balance and he fell, so he and Gwen fell into a pit of BUGGYS. There was a strange silence in the air.

"Stand back," said Krit as she ushered the rest of the group back.

"FUCK YOU TO HELL BUGS OF SHIT AND POO!" yelled Gwen as a giant explosion erupted from the hole they were in. After the fire settled they went over to the hole there were no bugs just Gwen and Gaara covered in ashes but other than that just fine.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BUGS!" yelled a boy completely covered in them. Gwen's eye twitch but other than that she didn't move.

"Sorry Shino they were attacking us," said Neji.

"Fine but you didn't have to completely TOAST them they are my friends." At this Gwen just started to twitch in general.

"What is wrong with her?" Shino asked.

"She doesn't like bugs," Gaara informed him as he pat Gwen on the head.

"WINER!" yelled Hinata this made Gwen snap back to herself, and she would have kicked her ass but was held back by Gaara.

"Ummm who are you?" Shino asked

"IT'S ME HINATA YOU ASS WIPE DON'T YOU RECONISE ME!" she yelled while she swung the pipe around.

"Ummm sorry Hinata, no I didn't recognize you and I am sorry stop swinging that thing around . . . Please," Shino said as he dodged the metal pipe.

"Your going to come with us now aren't you, yes you are we will make you like us yes we will yep, yep, yep," Neji said this a he rocked back and forth on his feet smiling like a psychotic killer. This made Shino very nervous seeing as last time he checked Neji didn't smile like that or really smile at all; but seeing as he really didn't have to much of a choice seeing as he was being lead away with these crazies.

"Hey food!" yelled Chouji when he saw Shikamaru eating his lunch under a tree.

"Well I guess you can have it Chouji seeing as you have already eaten most of,"

"YAH ANOTHER NEW FRIEND!" yelled Krit.

"Oh joy we get a lazy ass bastard," said Gwen who was in a bad mood from bug boy being so closed to her, but Gaara didn't mind because the closer Shino was the more Gwen hugged him.

"Why should I be your friend I don't even know you and I can already tell you're crazy get away from me will you," Shikamaru said as he resumed staring at the clouds.

"NO YOU ARE COMING WITH US!" yelled Neji as he picked up Shikamaru threw him over his shoulder and started walking away with him.

"What the hell! Neji put me down what is wrong with you!"

"Nothing is wrong with me I just got some coffee," said Neji as he popped a coffee bean in his mouth as if it were candy.

"Neji I have an idea on how to make sure that he comes with us but you don't have to carry him," said Krit. Neji put him down then Krit put a leash on him, "There we go he is going to be a good boy and stay with us ok." Shikamaru's eye started to twitch.

"I always knew that you were a bitch," Gaara said looking at the leash that Krit had put on Shikamaru.

"I think that it is a rather nice accessory for him but it seems it would better fit Kiba," put in Shino

"Don't bring up that transvestite!" yelled Gwen. This confused Shino _when did Kiba become a transvestite? What have I been missing when I was in the woods today?_ he let the thoughts go for now as he followed Gwen, Gaara, Neji, Krit, and Shikamaru leaving Chouji to eat and Hinata to sit there and cuss at him for being a fat bastard.

In town they ran into none other than Ino.

"Hey Shikamaru what is with the leash, you finally accept that you're a bitch?" Ino joked at Shikamaru.

"WOOOH WE FOUND ANOTHER FRIEND!" shouted Krit.

". . . What?" asked Ino.

"You are, are new friend Ino BE HONORED!" yelled Neji.

"HEY EVERYONE GUESS WHAT!" everyone turned to see Naruto and Kiba waving at them. Kiba still wearing a skirt. _Wow I guess he really has become a transvestite_ thought Shino. Ino just stood there in stunned silence.

". . . Ummm what?" asked Gaara cautiously.

"I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY!" yelled Kiba. Gaara and Gwen just fainted, Shikamaru looked as if he might throw up, Ino and Shino looked as if they were trying to figure out what he had really said.

"HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!" Krit yelled as Neji went over and started to poke Kiba in the stomach.

"You're a fucking guy you CAN'T have babies it is against the laws of nature what the hell are you that gives you the ability to bare a child even thought you are obviously a male!" Krit shouted at Kiba

"It is a miracle of nature," Kiba said happily.

"TRY FUCKING FREAK OF NATURE!" yelled Krit

"Hey Kiba?"

"Ummm yah Neji?"

"How are you going to have this baby? You may be pregnant but you still don't have the right anatomy to bare a child in fact if you tried you would probably explode." said Neji still poking Kiba in the stomach. The look of pure horror on Kiba's face was priceless.

"NARUTO WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!" Kiba yelled at Naruto.

"Umm C-section," with that Kiba ran off and Naruto followed after him.

"That was scary," Ino said

"I agree" put in Shikamaru

"Hey Gwen, Gaara wake up we have to go now!" Krit yelled as she threw a bucket of water onto Gwen and Gaara. They soon woke up Gwen being a little pissed off from having a bucket of water throw on her.

"How are we going to get back we don't have a car?" Gaara asked.

"I guess we will have to walk," Krit said as she opened a portal.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

As the group walked through the portal it took a lot longer walking than it did driving.

"This is boring!" complained Neji.

"Shut up if Hinata hadn't stolen that pipe from the roller costar than we would still have the hummer it's not my fault," Gwen said back to Neji.

"So it's still boring."

"If your so bored pick the bugs off of him.," Gwen pointed to Shino and hugged on to Gaara tighter for fear of the bugs that crawled all over Shino.

"Ewww I don't wana do that," wined Neji.

"Then shut you mouth and, ah crap," everyone looked to see what Gwen was looking at. Up the "road" there was a giant fork which was guarding a fork in the road.

"This is getting really weird," said Ino

"Maybe it will ask us questions so that we can pass!" Neji said trying to be spooky but failed miserably.

"Oh well lets go and see," Gwen said leading the way. The group approached the giant fork and were awed by the fact that IT WAS A GIANT FUCKING FORK!.

"WHO COMES BEFORE ME!" boomed the fork.

"It is I, Krit Lord of all Coffee Beans!"

"And I Neji Lady of all Coffee Beans!" Everyone kind of looked at Neji and Krit who were being quit. . . Ummm dramatic.

"THE LORD AND LADY MUST ANSWER ME THREE QUESTIONS OR THEIR COMPANIONS MAY NOT PASS BUT INSTEAD STUFFER A HORRIBLE DEATH!" at this everyone was dead scared because there fate was in the hands of over caffeinated killer and a gender confused moron.

"Under one condition will we agree to your offer," Krit said to the fork.

"AND WHAT MAY THAT BE?"

"What is your name?" asked Neji rather childlike.

"THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT!"

"Oh come on you have to have a name what is it?" said Neji determined to know the forks name.

"FINE ITS . . . UMMM WELL ITS. . . Peaches."

". . ."

"NOW WILL YOU ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!"

"Yah sure thing. . . Peaches," Krit said stifling a laugh.

"STOP THAT!"

"Stop what Peaches? We're just answering you peachy questions," Neji said trying to sound innocent.

"OK THE FIRST QUESTION IS. . WHAT IS SO FUNNY!" Peaches obviously was getting quite mad at them.

"You don't have a face, how can you talk, or see for that matter?" asked Krit trying not to laugh but failing at it.

"BECAUSE I AM. . . WHAT IS ON MY FACE GET IT OFF!" Neji had climbed up on the fork and was drawing a mouth and eyes and a nose for Peaches.

"There now you got a face," Neji said obviously happy with his 5 year old art work.

"YOU KNOW WHAT JUST GO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE I NEVER WHAT YOU TO COME BACK!" sobbed the fork.

"Hey Krit," Gwen said suddenly

"Ummm yah?"

"Me and Gaara are going to go down the other path you take the rest and do what ever."

"Ummm ok why?"

"We need to get a few things and I don't trust you to remember anyway and I am getting tired of all of you but I can't get rid of Gaara so he is coming with me," Gwen stated bluntly.

"Sure ok but how will you find us again in there you could be transported to any ware in the world."

"We will watch the news and if you are in a different country we will jack. . .I mean get on a plane so just stay ware you are and we will find you ok."

"All right if you say so," and with that they when there separate ways. Shino, Ino , and Shikamaru looked scared though to see Gwen leave.

"Awww what's wrong everyone why are you sad?" Krit asked.  
"The sanest one of you two just left us with you," said Ino.

"And we can't leave because we would get lost and die and that would suck," said Shikamaru.

"Speak for your self I feel safer with her she didn't fry my bugs," Shino said.  
"Of course not I like bugs," Krit said happily. Shino instantly tried to hug Krit but was bitten in the leg by Neji half way there. Taking the hint Shino decided not to try and hug Krit again.

"Ok then lets go everyone I am tired of being in here," announced Krit and so they went on. Krit leading the way while pulling Shikamaru on his leash with Neji following close behind; then Ino and Shino bring up the rear.

When they had finally reached the end of the tunnel there were many bright lights.

"Wow ware are we?" Ino said dazzled by all the pretty lights.

"LAS VEGAS!" yelled Krit punching the air. "This totally rocks come on lets go!" Krit being over excited ran off with Neji running after her and dragging Shikamaru behind her, but she left Shino and Ino in the dust.

"Oh crap were did she go now we're going to be lost Shino, lost in some weird strange. . . Shino? SHINO WERE DID YOU GO," this could be heard from a annoying blond girl in the middle of the sidewalk but she soon randomly went into a shop to see what was inside.

**MEANWHILE**

"Hey troublesome crazy chick we lost Ino and Shino,"

"Who needs bug face and a blonde bitch."

"I thought you said you like bugs."

"I lied," Krit said this smiling and continued to run down the street. Until she saw a sign _Back Ally Operations Center ,_ "Perfect."

**MEANWHILE **

Ino had wandered into a casino and was making her own share on money in there.  
"You look a little young to be in here," said a man who was loosing terribly to her.

"Your just saying that because I'm kicking your ass and you want me throw out so you can get your money back," Ino said happy as she pulled in another pile of chips.

**LATER**

"Oh God my head why does it hurt so bad?" asked Shikamaru as he sat up on a bloody table. Then he noticed Neji was also getting up and rubbing his head.

"You guys finally up good lets go," Krit said cheerfully. Neji just followed and not knowing what to do Shikamaru also followed.

"Ummm what happened to us in there?" asked Shikamaru seeing as Neji was happy and probably not going to ask.

"I just wanted to kill a couple of hours is all." Krit said as she inserted something into the remote, "We should probable find are other friends."

"Hey look at that," Said Neji pointing to a store with TV is in the windows, showing the news.

_"In other new sand storms are hitting some of the biggest banks in the world along with a teddy gram factory scientist are baff . . ." _the TV fuzzed out then cleared to see Shino in a white robe holding a staff.

**"Citizens of the Earth I am GOD if you do not bow to me then I will plague your cities with locusts," **cries of outrage could be herd through out the city. "**fine** **have** **it** **your** ** way," **with that the TV went blank. Moments later the sky went dark and swarms of locusts when though the town people screamed in terror

"Oh shit," was all that any of them could say.

"Hey you guys what the Hell is going on? Why was Shino saying he was god on TV!" Yelled a annoying blond holing a sack of money.

"Ummm power trip," suggested Neji.

"Well now what do we do?" asked Shikamaru clearly pissed .

"WE BURN EVERYTHING!" Yelled Krit as she pulled out a flame thrower and ran into a bar and came out running right before it went up in flames. "To the Fire department we can't have any interruptions!" and with that they stole another car and when to each fire station and set it on fire. Soon they traded there car for a fire truck and went to the nearest gas station.

"No we can't have the fire stop no, no, no it must grow," Krit mumbled as she used a fire truck to drench the un lit buildings in gas. When all the gas was gone they drove off right as the fire had started to spread to that area.

As they sped along they saw Shino trying to get his bugs to stay away from the fire but was having a hard time doing so. Krit pulled up next to him and said, "Are you God Shino?"

"No."

"Who is god Shino?"

"You are"

"Good now get in the truck," with that Shino climbed into the truck.

**LATER**

Gwen and Gaara were driving a armored truck in the middle of the Nevada desert until they saw an old house with a fire truck tipped over next to it. They looked at each other nodded and went up to the house. As they walked in side they herd this on a radio that was on. _"never before has there been such a massive fire in all of Vegas's history it burned the entire city to the ground," _ there was bags of money every were and they found Krit, Neji, Ino, Shino, and Shikamaru all sitting a the table eating cereal.

"I told you that I could find you if I watched the news ," and with that they gathered up some stuff and when out to their new vehicle of choice.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Sweet an armored truck!" Squealed Krit as she stuck to the side of it like a frog. Gwen stared at Neji as he licked the side of the truck, apparently hoping that it would be made of something edible.

"This thing is defiantly NOT sweet I know I just tasted it," Neji said rather sad that truck wasn't sweet.

"Get in the truck you money on crack," said Gwen as she threw Neji in the truck screaming, "What the hell is money of crack?" Everyone soon got into the truck not wanting to face the wrath of Gwen

"Krit open the portal so we can get out of here before the cops find us," Gwen said as she started the truck up.

"Why should we worry about that?" Krit asked.

"Everyone in the car is wanted by the FBI and every other top secret nation on the planet, but they don't know what me and Gaara look like. You morons however went thought the middle of a city on a fire truck and lit everything on fire, they know what you look like and there are wanted posters every ware," Gwen stated bluntly.

"Oh ok then I guess we could leave," and so Krit open the portal of pink and purple happy hippos once more.

"So you are taking us back to ware we belong right?" asked Ino.

"That was the plan, were going to take you and Shino back," said Krit.

"What about me Neji and Gaara?" asked Shikamaru.

"For one Gaara is attached to Gwen kind of, and do you really want Neji back with you?"

"Ok then what about me?"

"Your going to stay with me!" Krit said excitedly.

" What why can't I go back with Ino and Shino?" yelled Shikamaru.

"You belong to me now," Krit said tugging on the leash, "and you have been bad for speaking out of turn," and with that Krit pulled the remote out and pushed a little blue button. Then all of a sudden Shikamaru's body jerked and he started to scream and go into a seizer. Krit let up on the button, "You going to talk back again?" Shikamaru couldn't say anything his body was still twitching.

"What did you just do to him?" Ino scream rather scared.

"I put a discipline chip on his nervous system, Neji has one to," Krit said happily.

"I think you need to turn it down Krit Shikamaru is twitching and drooling on himself," said Gwen

"That is going to happen every know and then he will be able to walk by the time we reach the end of the portal and then in another hour he will be able to think for himself again," Krit said still pleased with herself. Shino and Ino felt bad for Shikamaru but were glad that Krit had not taken a liking to them because they didn't want a chip in there heads.

When they were finally out of the portal Shikamaru was walking but it didn't look like anything was going on inside his head. Ino tried to make him wake up but all that happened was that he drooled on her. This made Ino and Shino both leave because they knew that they couldn't save him for he was lost to Krit.

"Orange Soda!"

"What the," Gwen looked up to see Sasuke running down to them.

"Give me soda," Sasuke demanded as his eye twitched.

Gwen slowly backed away from the crazy person standing in front of them she thought about running him over with the armored truck but he jumped on to it so it was pretty much useless.

"Just let him in," said Gaara.

"No he is going to kidnap me!" Gwen said quickly.

"What!" Gaara growled.

However Sasuke had seen something on top of the truck and had jumped up there.

"Come on Sasuke get into the truck," Neji said waving a can of orange soda and then threw into the back of the truck.

"YOU LET HIM IN HERE AND I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!" Gwen screamed outraged.

"don't worry he will be good I promise," said Krit as she let Sasuke sit by her and gave him a can of soda and pat him on the head.

Than a large hole was right above Sasuke's head they all looked to see Gwen with a shot gun in her hand pointed at Sasuke.

"Where did you get that?" asked Neji with wide eyes.

"Don't ask." hissed Gwen as she took aim again.

"Why does my ass hurt." Neji said as he rubbed it.

Every one looked at Neji than at Gwen and she said again, "I told you not to ask."

"Why are you hiding weaponry in my friends ass?" asked Krit.

"Wasn't me."

"Then who did?"

"Gaara did it."

"It was hard trying to cram everything in there," this made Neji uncomfortable in more ways than one. Neji then pulled ammo out of his butt.

"Ewww you people are sick why would you do that?" Neji said as he started to cry. Krit gave him a hug and yelled, "Why don't you put things in your own ass Gaara?"

"There is no more room up there," Gaara complained.

"Well then put things in Gwen's ass!"

"There is no more room there either,"

"What when did this happen!" Gwen yelled at Gaara.

"During stuff," Gaara said quietly. Sasuke was fascinated with Neji's ass.

"Why are you staring at my ass like that it is making me uncomfortable," complained Neji. With that Sasuke jumped on Neji and pulled a bottle of Orange soda out of his arse.

"Hee, hee mine, mine, mine," said Sasuke as he went back to were he was. Everyone was in stunned silence.

"I feel so violated right now," Neji said with is eye twitching slightly.

"Is there anything else up Neji's butt that we should know about?" asked Krit clearing becoming really pissed off.

"Ummm nope that was it," Gaara said nervously.

"Anyone else?" Krit said even more ticked off then before.

"The only other one was Shino and I think I still left that can of cheese up there. Wow he is going to have one hell of a surprise when he goes to the bathroom."

Gwen forgetting about Sasuke at the moment with Neji curled up in Krit's lap clearing traumatized and Krit glaring at Gaara. Sasuke was just sitting in the seat drinking soda and Shikamaru was still having no real brain activity.

"Lets just go," said Gwen still disturbed by what Gaara had said and apparently done. So they got out of the truck and walked to town to go and find any one that they had not yet tainted.

The next person that the group saw was Sakura yes she had been turned into a redneck hillbilly but she was not tainted in the way the others had been tainted.

Sakura was looking at a bug that had a small white jacket on and was holding a staff yelling in a tiny voice, "I am God Shino!"

Gwen just spit on the bug causing it to drown, "Damn bugs." she said irritated.

Neji jumped on to Sakura's back shouting excitedly, "ANOTHER FRIEND CAN I KEEP HER!"

"Yes." said Krit, "What ever just don't let it go on the carpet."

"Yeah a new pet." cried Neji and about squeezed the life out of Sakura.

"Neji stop, I can't breath, let go," gasped Sakura her eyes bugging out slightly.

"Come on Neji we need to find more friends than just Sakura and Sasuke," said Krit as she ushered Neji forward.

As they walked through the woods they saw Tenten training.

"Tenten you are my other new friend," and with that said Neji ran up to Tenten and gave her a hug then carried her over to where Sasuke and Sakura were standing.

"Ummm Neji what is wrong with you, your acting kind of funny," said Tenten.

"I'm so happy, what are you upset that I am for once happy in my life? YOUR SO MEAN!" with that Neji dropped Tenten and ran over to Krit.

"Ok who have we not tainted yet?" asked Krit as she comforted Neji.

"Well there is Temari, and Kankuro and I think that is it," said Gwen.

"No Kankuro is in love with a fucking puppet he is tainted enough," said Gaara. With that they went off to go and find Temari. She was still in the busted up apartment trying to patch up the wall when Gaara busted through it again.

"GOD DAMN IT GAARA!" yelled Temari, "I JUST FIXED IT."

"Sorry but we must taint you like we have everyone else," growled Krit, "just like everyone else the people we take become tainted and you are one of the last, along with Sasuke, Sakura, and Tenten."

"I think you have already tainted him," said Temari pointing to Sasuke who was chewing on a shoe.

"I didn't do that to him he just got an orange soda OD," said Krit

"Yah but you brought the soda so it is your fault," said Temari, "and you still haven't taken Kankuro away." At this time Kankuro came into the room with the sock puppet that Krit had graced him with.

"We're getting married!" said Kankuro holding up the sock puppet.

"Ok I get why you didn't take him."

"Good now lets go. . ."

"ON TO THE BAT MOBILE!" screamed Neji who was now dressed as Batman, "COME ROBIN!" Everyone looked to see Gaara dressed as Robin only he had boxers over his tights. Everyone was in shock and horror.

"OH MERCILESS GOD WHY?" cried Gwen to the sky. Neji grabbed the remote and made the bat mobile appear. Krit grabbed the remote back from Neji and helped crammed everyone into the bat mobile, then they opened the portal and went in.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Oh god where am I and why is Sasuke so close to me?" asked Shikamaru who had finally become aware of his soundings, and right now he was shoved up against a glass widow with Sasuke pretty much sitting on him.

"This thing is only supposed to fit like two people max and we crammed like 8 people into it," yelled Gwen.

"Gwen, what are you doing back here aren't you driving?" asked Krit.

"Oh crap if I'm back here then. . ."

"I AM BATMAN!" screamed Neji from the front seat and pressed on the gas pedal.

"Were all going to die," said Gwen, "were going to hit a wall and disintegrate into millions of little peaces of meat."

"I have to go pee," Gaara whined.

"I hate you right now Gaara," Gwen said as they speed thought a rip in reality. Then all of a sudden they stopped.

"Yah were here!" Neji yelled back at them as he jumped out. He then had to help them out because they were so crammed I that they couldn't move at all. When Neji had finally gotten everyone out Krit grabbed him and pulled him off some where.

"Where is she taking Neji?" asked Tenten still in a bit of shock from seeing Neji in tights.

"I don't know and I don't care we will wake for her to finish with him but for now Gaara get back into your normal . . ." Gwen stopped as she saw Gaara was in nothing but a pare of red boxers.

"Where did your other clothes go?" asked Gwen.

"I don't know."

"Ok what ever as long as our not acting like Robin is all," Gwen said a little flustered. Then Krit came back with Neji he just had a T-shirt and a pair of jeans on.

"She made me get rid of my batman costume," sobbed Neji.

"You looked really stupid in it." Krit said bluntly.

"Where did Shikamaru go he's gone," Sakura said looking around for him. Krit just pulled the remote out opened something in the remote to show a grid with a little dot moving around.

"Don't worry he can't get away I have a tracker on him, let him feel safe for now," said Krit happy with her work.

"Where are we going anyway Krit?" asked Gwen

"THE ZOO!" yelled Neji as he pointed to the zoo entrance.

"Woooh this is going to be fun!" said Krit excitedly. With that they went into the zoo.

"So what exactly are we supposed to do here?" asked Temari.

"To look at animals," said Krit as they went off to there first destination, the birds.

When they got into the dome that held all of the exotic bird everyone was Mesmerize by the pretty colors. Except for Sasuke who was growling and trying to eat the birds that came close to him.

"Sasuke don't try to eat them," Sakura scolded him like a dog and tapped him of on the head, he just growled back.

"I don't feel safe next to him," complained Tenten.

"He is perfectly safe," said Sakura as she gave him a hug and he bit her in the throat and ripped it out. He then commenced to eat her.

"Ummm, wow that's really sick," said Temari really disturbed by the sight in front of her.

"Bad Sasuke I am going to have to give you a chip to you to," Krit said walking up to Sasuke. Sasuke started to whimper at the approach of Krit. She then grabbed him made a cut at the base of his skull and shoved a peace of metal in the wound. Sasuke was making a lot of noise at this time as Krit continued to sew up the wound.

"There you should start to behave a little better know," Krit said as she wiped the blood off herself. Tenten, and Temari were very freaked out by what they had just seen, but continued to follow the rest of the group on to the monkeys.

As they walked up to the monkey cages they noticed a monkey chasing something.

"What is that monkey chasing. . . It's Shikamaru!" yelled Tenten. Then Shikamaru ran up to them.

"Get me out of here!"

"What are you doing in there to begin with?" asked Krit.

"I was trying to hide from you but I think should of stayed I'm sorry now please get me out!"

"Fine," and with that Krit pointed the remote at Shikamaru and pressed a button. He disappeared then reappeared outside of the cage.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Shikamaru said while giving Krit a hug.

"Ok get off why was there a monkey chasing you?" asked Krit. Letting go Shikamaru got really quite for a minute.

"Ummm the monkey had a crush on me it was trying to kiss me," they looked at the cage to see the monkey blow him a kiss.

"That's a guy monkey to," put in Gwen. Shikamaru shuddered and hid behind Krit.

"I think I am going to need to see a shrink," said Temari, Tenten nodding in agreement as they walked off to the penguins.

When they were at the penguins they herd someone call to them.

"Hey you," they turned to see Barney, the teletubies, big bird, Elmo, and Mr. Rogers in a blood stained sweater.

"YOU!" yelled Gwen as she spotted Barney.

"Just give us Shikamaru and all will be forgiven between us," said Mr. Rogers.

"NO I'M NOT GOING BACK!" screamed Shikamaru as he tried to hide behind Krit. Gwen's eye started to twitch as she stared at Barney. Who glared at her.

"I TOLD YOU HE KNEW WHERE I LIVED!" screamed Gaara pointing at Elmo.

"Yes I know where you live, I know everything about you, YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME, AND I AM TAKING YOU TO ELMO'S WORLD!"

"NO SAVE ME GWEN!" cried Gaara as he clung to Gwen.

"Must kill the evil one," hissed Gwen and she pulled out a Uzi, "your mine Barney." Then barney pulled out a Uzi as well.

"You will not escape this time child."

At this point Gwen threw Gaara in front of her as a shield to stop the rain of bullets that came at her from Barney. Temari and Tenten just watched in stunned horror.

"Sasuke get the puppet get it, get it," yelled Krit as Sasuke started to attack big bird and Elmo. Neji started to attack the teletubies as they started to fire lasers at him.

"I told you just to give him up," said Mr. Rogers as he faced Krit pulling out a sword. Krit in turn also pulled out a sword.

"I knew you were evil," and with that they started a fight to the death. Neji had by this time killed the purple teletubie. As Sasuke was ripping big bird apart Elmo had latched on to Gaara's leg.

"Your going to come with me," said Elmo as he started to disappear.

"GWEN HELP ME!" Gwen turned and shot off Elmo's head but when she turned barney shot off her arm that held the gun. Gaara backed up and looked at the cuffs to see a arm with a Uzi that on its own shot Barney in half. Then it dropped the gun and waved at Gaara. This caused Gaara to faint.

Krit had just stabbed Mr. Rogers and threw him in the penguin pen were he was soon devoured. Neji had just taken out the last of the teletubies and seemed happy with that. Sasuke was still eating big bird.

"Hey Gwen are you ok?" asked Krit.

"My arm was FUCKING SHOT OFF DO YOU THINK I AM OK?" yelled Gwen as she waved the stump of her right arm. "I'm going to fin. . .wow blood loss," and with that Gwen passed out. Krit turned to Shikamaru who was hiding in a thrash can.

"What the hell did you do to piss off PBS?" Krit yelled at Shikamaru.

"I didn't do anything." Then Gwen's ghost appeared next to them.

"It was all Barneys fault," said the ghost Gwen.

"Are you dead?" asked Krit

"Shut up."

Neji dragged Gaara over to the group and then set down.

"Now what do we do?" he asked looking at Krit.

"You and the others from your world will go back and we will return in a later date," Krit said as she pulled the remote out of her pocket.

"But I don't want to go back," complained Neji

"You, Shikamaru, Gaara, Sasuke, Tenten, Tamari, and Sak. . . will go back to your world and when we need you, will come and get you ok," Krit said to Neji, and with that she opened the portal. Shikamaru ran into it happily, Sasuke growled at Tamari and Tenten to get them moving into the portal. Gwen's arm "walked" away pulling the limp form of Gaara, "Bye bye arm I hope you come back, I miss you," ghost Gwen said as she waved the stump. The arm turned around and flipped her off, "FUCK YOU TO ARM!" Neji went into the portal sobbing.

As the Portal was closing the burnt form of the Orange soda man came through, still having the knitting needle in his heart. "KIIIIILLLLL KIIIIILLL!"

"Remember Krit we can't die," Gwen said to Krit

"KIIIIIILLLL!"

"BULL SHIT!" said Krit as she ran away from the zombie orange soda truck driver. Pushing one of the buttons on the remote she made a jet appear she got in and took off.

"I'm safe." then the truck driver flopped onto the window of the jet.

"KIIIILLL!"

"JEASU CHRIST EATING A MUFFIN!" screamed Krit

"Ok that's it you are going down this time!" yelled Krit at the truck driver, as she wrote on a piece of paper and taped it to the remote. Then she opened a little portal and chucked it in.

"I'M TAKING YOU OUT WITH ME!" and so Krit drove the jet into the side of a mountain, and her final words were.

"WEEEEEEEEEE!"

BOOOM

The end (or is it?)

A/N: Look for other stories or I'll get you. Just kidding. . . growl.

Well any way the next story coming up is a Full Metal Alchemist one it is called 'Popcorn Chicken' and it's coming soon to Glitterrock's list of stories very soon like maybe today.

Peace out Yo from Glitterrock.


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